I’m screaming! Can you hear me?

Published by Karie Millspaugh on July 17, 2014July 17, 2014

Can anyone hear me?

I woke up in a cold sweat, frantic and trying to figure out where I was! I remember waking up with a scream on my lips as I cried out for my mother.

Sadly… she couldn’t hear me. It was as if I were yelling without any sound coming from me…

I’ve had this nightmare repeatedly since I was a child. I would scream for my mom but the noise wouldn’t come… sometimes I was on a mountain top yelling and waving my arms for help and no one would notice. Other times I was in a dark room, running from my perpetrator and again, no one would hear me … no one was there to save me. I was invisible… I had NO voice and I would be left with the most alone feeling in the world.

I blame this reoccurring dream on being one of five kids and always feeling lost in the noise and shuffle of a busy home.

Can you identify with this lost feeling?

Have you had dreams like this too?

I’ve had every scenario of this exact dream many times as I replay them in my head and I would always wake up and wonder what it meant. As I would lay in my dark bedroom analyzing that sinking feeling that came with feeling unheard, I realized that I was feeling the effects of not finding my true voice in this world. I had words that were being left, UNSAID… I had leadership qualities that were being UNUSED…

I had worked with an energy coach about 4 years ago. She would always notice that I had a dark energy around my throat. She thought it was physical and suggested that I get my thyroid checked. I had it checked and that was in the clear, not surprising to me as I didn’t have any symptoms of thyroid issues. It became clear to me that I wasn’t using my voice…and I’m not referring to singing or speaking (which I do both). I’m referring to my MISSION… MY PURPOSE. I have a message to this world and I didn’t find it until a few years ago. In fact I discovered it a VERY long time ago but I kept ignoring that tugging feeling at my heart. The thought of inspiring women and leading them to greater heights always excited me yet I was fearful. Women were never kind to me in the past. I was always the leader, the person that never cared what her peers were doing and would create my own path. I was gossiped about, copied and back stabbed for being misunderstood for so many years. In high school I would go the opposite way of the crowd. I never felt pressured to ACT, DRESS or BE like my peers. I was Karie… just Karie. All by herself …and that was ENOUGH without feeling the need to prove anything to anyone.

So needless to say God worked on my heart for years before I could successfully mentor and coach women. It didn’t happen overnight… I had to work with my trust issues and my fears. I had to learn to love and appreciate our beautiful loving and nurturing nature as I slowly, one by one let women into my life as trusted friends and created my own sisterhood tribe.

I find it interesting that God wants me to lead women…the scariest creatures on this planet that had always hurt me. You see, HE HAS A PLAN. My VOICE needs to be heard and my HEART needs to mentor these wonderful beings that are moms, wives, sisters, best friends and colleagues.

Needless to say… I don’t have that NIGHTMARE anymore…and I haven’t for years.

I’m forever grateful that I’ve taken the time to work on ME…so I can be of better service for YOU! After all… How many women can I lead, coach and mentor if I’m afraid of them?! Thank GOD that is BEHIND ME!!