I hate to do this…. I really love you guys and putting you in this space of awareness is really out of love…PROMISE!

I have coached many men on relationships and these turn offs keep showing up so I feel compelled to share them with the world so that you can land your true love… not push her away for good!

I’m not generalizing and I know there are PLENTY of men out there that don’t apply to any of these 10… and I’m positive that it may have something to do with a very smart and sassy woman in their life that has already educated them on what NOT to do in a relationship… or maybe they have a sensational parent that showed them how to treat a woman with respect.

There are many books written out there that state that men want respect and women want love…well, hello…newsflash! We want respect too and deserve it…. Ok well, most of us anyway.

You could be the most amazing man in the world and totally love the girl you’re with but as soon as you do something stupid… it won’t matter.  She is left with that icky feeling and it’s a tough one to shake off…trust me boys.

So here it goes… I’m cringing as I write this and share it on YouTube…but I HAVE to be blunt and honest.  As you will witness, I wasn’t born with a filter…

Karie’s TOP TEN TURNOFF’s …that men do…

#1 Text or message a girl after 10pm to see what she’s “doing”.

If you’re in a relationship already and she knows where you’ve been all night, etc… that does not apply.  Maybe you just want to say good night…

But if you’ve been out all day and night with other people that are apparently MORE important than the girl you just texted, messaging us at the last minute feels like nothing more than a “booty call”… save it… we’re not interested and we are going to assume that you’re drunk and couldn’t find any “booty” out there to chase.  If you were really serious about spending time with her, you would have invited her to your daytime or evening event… and then maybe you would have gotten invited back to her house if that’s where you wanted it to go.  Making a girl feel special works like magic.

#2 Checking out other women while you’re with your date.

EWWWWWW GROSS!!!!!  What’s even worse… is if you comment about the girl you just gawked at!  This is a deal breaker for me every time.  If you’re too stupid to check out a “6” when you’re on a date with a “10” then you need your head examined…end of story.

If you make her feel like she’s just an option..she won’t be returning your calls and there won’t be a second date.

On a side note, it feels just as icky to be the girl that you’re checking out …at the grocery store, WITH YOUR WIFE BY YOUR SIDE!  GET SOME SELF CONTROL! GEESH!

#3 Walking ahead of your date

DUDE! Did your mom not teach you how to be a gentleman!?  WTF!? When you’re on a date…walk beside her, open the door… take her hand.  Walking ahead of her tells her one thing, you’re embarrassed to be seen with her.  Be careful…some other guy will think she’s alone and start hitting on her…this has personally happened to me and my date freaked out and ran over to my side. 

#4 Lack of communication

Yes I know us women say a zillion more words in a day than you do (on average)…but there are no excuses with today’s technology to not communicate effectively.  It takes 2 seconds to respond to a text or email and for GOD’S SAKE… CALL HER!  Can we BE anymore lazy?  So much can be misconstrued in a text message…it’s not what you say, it’s HOW you say it.  I’ve dated many men that prefer calling…and guess what? They won over my respect every time and the relationship intensity increased much faster and was more authentic, heartfelt and gave us the chance to bond emotionally.

#5 Not being a man of your word. 

Be a man of your word and back up your words with ACTIONS.  I’ve learned over the years from all the “wooing” that I’ve received and empty promises from men to just ignore them until I see proof.  So do your woman a favor and stick to your promises.  We remember everything, yes we are little CSI agents and never miss the details… if you promise to take her on a trip…then do it.  You will see that the more you let her down, the less likely she will respect you and some other guy will swoop in and follow through with the actions that you’re not fulfilling.

#6 Having vices 

If you want our respect, then be a strong man.  If you’re addicted to alcohol, drugs, pornography we see you as WEAK.  We really want you to be our protector and our “knight in shining armor” but if you crumble at the sight of a porn site, strip club or can’t pass up a bar without a drink, or a hit… we are not going to think HIGHLY of you.  A man in control is a sexy man and also builds trust.  We want to feel SAFE with you… that’s when the magic happens and a relationship blossoms into the happily ever after kind.  You DO want to win her over, right??

#7 Lack of ambition

If we have more goals than you do, there is a very good chance we will stray.  Nothing is more sexy than a guy that has ambition and a game plan to back up those dreams and goals.  If you drift through life without any real purpose other than to just get through the day, we aren’t going to jump through hoops to love and respect you.  We have a strong desire within us to be your cheerleader, your supporter…give us a reason to be!  (some of us will even wear the cheerleader costume…hint hint)

#8 Disrespectful to his family

If you have children, make them a priority. I highly respect a man that is a good father.  I understand that at times certain family members can be difficult to get along with but you don’t have to spend every waking minute with them, just treat them with respect.  Talking badly about your parents or siblings just makes you look bad in the process. 

If you don’t have anything nice to say…then don’t say it at all… ~ Thumper

#9 Being TOO PRIVATE

Those that hide nothing …have nothing to hide.  I understand that certain personality types are more private than others.  I’m related to a few of those…but if you really want to bring a woman closer to you.  Share your feelings…yes… I said SHARE YOUR FEELINGS, ideas, your day, your dreams…where you want to take your next vacation.  This will bring her to your side like a magnetic force!  Being private creates walls of distrust and skepticism.  Trust me guys… what you’re leaving unsaid, we are filling in those gaps with our own “stories” and they are usually WAY OUT THERE and incorrect…so do us a favor and don’t leave giant gaping holes in your life that we need to fill in the information for you.

#10 Being TOO feminine…needy or clingy

Ummmm hello… I’m the woman in this relationship.  I’m the one in a skirt…  Let’s keep it that way.  If you spend more time in the bathroom getting ready than I do…that’s a turn off.  If you’re afraid of getting your hands dirty or killing a spider upsets you…that’s a turn off.  If we hear a thump in the night and you want US to check it out!? TURN OFF!! 

If you need to know what we are doing every second of the day, that sends a strong signal of neediness.  If you want to dominate all of her free time instead of allowing balance in her life… that’s being too needy.  If you are only looking for ways that she can meet YOUR needs.. you probably aren’t ready for a healthy relationship.

I know that we live in a different age where we are surrounded by independent women.  We come across as very strong and almost masculine at times, but deep down, we really JUST WANT TO BE THE WOMAN… so open our doors, tell us we are beautiful instead of gawking at the girl that just walked by, hold our hands and walk by our side… take us on trips and invite us into your life… don’t get drunk with your buddies and make a fool of yourself.  Share your life goals with us and how you see US in that picture and trust me… You will have won over that gorgeous woman’s heart in NO TIME!  Then… instead of feeling desperate at 10 pm and wanting to text her, you won’t have to, because the 2 of you will already be snuggled up sipping wine and watching a movie… or maybe you’ve skipped that part and are already making hot steamy love under the stars because YOU’VE taken the time to work on yourself and you’ve made her feel special and LOVED!

Romance and love doesn’t have to be hard…and you don’t have to be single out of ignorance… so WISE UP and start dating CONSCIOUSLY!  Trust me … “your buddies” won’t be giving you this advice because they’re in the dark too!  So please share with them…

Feel free to leave your comments below:

 Karie Millspaugh

 Business and Lifestyle Coach